Welcome to my weekly picks!
Every week I’ll pick each game on the NFL slate against the spread with either some actual analysis or, more likely, something silly. Plus. our lock of the week at the end. Spreads will be provided by BetMGM, and there’ll be a running week-by-week record to keep track of how well or poorly the selections are going.
To the picks! (HOME TEAM in all caps).
KANSAS CITY (-9.5) vs. Houston
I’ve got Texans and the points.
— Kyle Maskson (@KyleAMadson) September 11, 2020
This was a mistake! It turns out the Chiefs are still excellent and the Texans got worse by trading DeAndre Hopkins for David Johnson. Whoda thunk?
Pick: Texans (+9.5)
BUFFALO (-6.5) vs. New York Jets
NFL Bills ranked:
The Bills straight up were also my Survivor Pool selection.
Pick: Bills (-6.5)
Philadelphia (-5.5) vs. WASHINGTON
This matchup makes me want to watch ‘Hamilton.’
Pick: Eagles (-5.5)
Seattle (-1.5) vs. ATLANTA
This game will be a really good gauge of how much an absent crowd will affect home-field advantage. Also, somehow Dan Quinn is still coaching the Falcons.
Pick: Seahawks (-1.5)
NEW ENGLAND (-7) vs. Miami
The Dolphins don’t get enough credit for changing the course of NFL history by knocking off the Patriots in Week 17 last season. Good for the Dolphins.
Pick: Dolphins (+7)
MINNESOTA (-2.5) vs. Green Bay
I wonder how much time they’ll spend commiserating about getting waxed by the 49ers in the playoffs.
Pick: Vikings (-2.5)
Indianapolis (-8.5) vs. JACKSONVILLE
It’s time to play a game! This one is called “None Shall Pass.” You’re walking along the Path of Picks when you come to a bridge guarded by the AFC South troll. Before crossing the AFC South bridge, you must answer his riddle. The riddle is: Name five Jacksonville Jaguars not named Gardner Minshew.
Pick: Colts (-8.5)
DETROIT (-2.5) vs. Chicago
Somehow Mitchell Trubisky is still quarterbacking the Bears. So. That’s where we’re at on that.
Pick: Lions (-2.5)
BALTIMORE (-7.5) vs. Cleveland
Odell Beckham Jr., huh? Pretty wild stuff.
Pick: Ravens (-7.5)
Las Vegas (-3) vs. CAROLINA
Typing “Las Vegas” instead of “Oakland” is going to be weird for awhile. I only just recently got used to Los Angeles Chargers.
Pick: Raiders (-3)
Los Angeles Chargers (-3) vs. CINCINNATI
There’s a really strong chance Joe Burrow is the best quarterback on the field in his first ever NFL game. Neat!
Pick: Bengals (+3)
NEW ORLEANS (-3.5) vs. Tampa Bay
Has anyone talked about the fact Tom Brady and Drew Brees will face each other twice this season?
Pick: Saints (-3.5)
SAN FRANCISCO (-6.5) vs. Arizona
If you’re reading this, check your email. There’s a strong chance the 49ers reached out to you about an employment opportunity at wide receiver.
Pick: Cardinals (+6.5)
Dallas (-2.5) vs. LOS ANGELES RAMS
Jerry Jones has to watch his team play in a stadium that’s nicer and. newer than his. Surely he’ll handle it with grace though.
Pick: Rams (+2.5)
Pittsburgh (-6) vs. NEW YORK GIANTS
There’s real potential for the very fun Steelers-Ravens rivalry to get back to an elite level this season.
Pick: Steelers (-6)
Tennessee Titans (-3) vs. Denver Broncos
Find someone who loves you for no reason the way Broncos fans love Drew Locke.
Pick: Titans (-3)
Lock of the week (0-0): Bills -6.5 over the Jets.