A mother whose four-year-old daughter is still in nappies has revealed her toddler son will not be toilet trained until he’s ready.
Laura Mazza, 33, from Melbourne, said her two-year-old boy James will learn how to use the toilet ‘in his own time’ just months after she was met with a ‘disapproving look of judgement’ from fellow parents for not potty training her little girl Sofia.
In a new post on social media, the mother-of-three explained how a nurse checked in with her recently to ensure her son was reaching his development milestones when she was asked about his toilet training.
Laura Mazza (pictured) has revealed her toddler son will not be toilet trained until he’s ready
The 33-year-old said her two-year-old boy James (left) will learn how to use the toilet ‘in his own time’ just months after she was met with a ‘disapproving look of judgement’ from fellow parents for not potty training her four-year-old daughter Sofia (right)
‘I spent an hour on the phone telling the nurse that he is literally a genius child… he just adjusted to life being the third child and he was quicker than his siblings with talking and walking,’ the blogger wrote on Facebook.
‘I told her how he strings sentences together, practices empathy, plays well, eats by himself, all these wonderful things.’
Laura admitted she initially avoided the check ups because she was always made to feel ‘bad or inferior’ about herself every time she had the appointments with a nurse.
However, she decided to speak to a nurse about her toddler boy after she convinced herself ‘what can go wrong?’
‘And there it was, even after smashing milestones, there was even more that I had to do, more that I should be doing,’ she said.
‘She asked me if my just turned two-year-old was toilet training. Well, no. He’s not ready. And then she told me about how I should encourage him, read him books, sit him on the toilet. Basically all the ways I should force him.
‘There is this obsession with forcing children to grow up, to walk to talk and to go to the toilet by a certain age. Why?’
The 33-year-old mother with her three young kids. From left to right: Two-year-old James, six-year-old Luca and four-year-old daughter Sofia
Laura admitted she initially avoided the check ups because she was always made to feel ‘bad or inferior’ about herself every time she had the appointments with a nurse
When should parents toilet train their child?
Keep using nappies until your child show signs that they are ready to start toilet training, including:
AGE: Your child needs to be between 18 months and three years before they are mature enough to recognise the urge to use the toilet.
INTEREST: Your child expresses curiosity in watching others go to the toilet. Although this might seem embarrassing at first, it’s actually helpful to the child if they can see parents or older siblings using the toilet.
DRYNESS: Their nappy stays dry for up to two hours, showing they are able to store urine in the bladder. For example, their nappy may be dry when they wake up from their afternoon nap,
DISLIKING NAPPIES: They may tell you they hate wearing nappies, or else try to take them off themselves, particularly after soiling them.
AWARENESS: Your child can tell you they’re pooing or weeing while they’re doing it, or can tell you straight after. If they can tell you before it happens, they are definitely ready for toilet training.
ATTENTION: They have the ability to sit in one position for two to five minutes.
Source: Better Health Victoria
The mother responded to the nurse, saying: ‘No, I’m busy teaching my four-year-old daughter to feel comfortable around the toilet because she was once forced by a “professional” and she is on the spectrum. He is not ready and when he is that’s when I’ll support him to do it.’
‘This is why mothers, especially new mothers feel inferior. For s*** like that,’ she added.
Laura said her eldest son Luca, now aged six, was nearly four years old when he was ‘ready’ to start toilet training – as she urged fellow parents to not ‘feel guilty’ about skipping a development milestone.
‘[The professionals] did the same thing to my son who would wet himself constantly until I said, nope, that’s enough. One year later and it took him one day and he got it, why? Because he was ready. And he was almost four,’ she explained.
‘Kids get it in their own time, when they are ready, and you are ready. Do not feel guilty for milestone c***. Let kids be kids.’
Her post was praised by other parents, many of whom agreed that children develop and learn at different rates.
‘I have five kids, four are diaper free now. They were all aged between three and four. They all trained themselves in one to three days with little to no accidents. So much less stress,’ one woman said.
A second mother said: ‘Totally agree, especially with boys! Wait, and they just get it when they’re ready! If you have to ‘train’ them – clearly they’re not ready.’
A third woman added: ‘Absolutely spot on! My son was three-and-a-half before he decided he was ready for toilet training and he learnt quickly! My youngest was a bit early but it was because he wanted to be like his big brother.’
A fourth mother said: ‘You are so right. We live in a world, even in rich western countries, where kids are pushed to become adults asap. It’s so stupid.’
Other mothers revealed they often dread the regular check ups because they are always leaving the appointments feeling ‘utter s***’.
‘I took my third baby for his two month appointment. A [nurse] made me feel like the worst mum because he doesn’t sleep much. Hate these appointments so much,’ one woman said.
Laura revealed two-year-old James (right) will learn how to use the toilet ‘in his own time’ just months after she was met with a ‘disapproving look of judgement’ from fellow parents for not potty training her little girl Sofia (centre)
How long did parents wait until their kids were toilet trained?
My nearly four-year-old toilet trained just after three-and-a-half-years and yes, I felt the judgement but I rebelled and listened to my instincts and what he was telling me.
My three-year-old son isn’t toilet trained yet. Shown little to no interest. My daughter decided two days before her third birthday she didn’t want to wear nappies anymore and wanted to use the big toilet and never wet the bed. I’m not going to force him, and he will be ready when he’s ready. Until then, he’s quite a bright happy little boy loving life.
Mine was trained at two years, four months but that is because he was ready. No reason to stress both parent and child out trying to push it if the child isn’t interested.
In May, Laura revealed her daughter Sofia was still in nappies because she was ‘not ready’ to be toilet trained.
When her daughter was six months old, the mother took her to a specialist to find out if there was something wrong because she wasn’t sitting up.
‘He said she’s fine, she will do it “in her own time”. And she did,’ Laura said.
She said Sofia learned to walk and speak much later than other children too, and while she and her partner worried sometimes, they were repeatedly reassured by professionals that ‘she will get there, she’s just doing it in her own time’.
‘She has different traits than her brothers and sisters. She has met milestones later than them. She’s different. But I’ve done nothing different. I’ve loved them the same,’ the mother added.
According to the Better Health channel, parents should keep using nappies until their child starts showing signs they may be ready to be toilet trained.
This usually comes between the ages of 18 months and three years, and signs they are ready include dryness in their nappy after several hours, interest in using the toilet and a general dislike of nappies.