A woman who claimed to be a sex addict after separating from her husband was mercilessly ‘sl*t shamed’ – and even called ‘diseased’ – after sharing intimate details of her sex life with the public.
Nadia Bokody started having casual sex for the first time in her life after she separated from her husband.
The then 32-year-old had never felt so liberated, and has since detailed how the casual encounters changed her outlook on life and perception of herself.
Ms Bokody, a Sydney-based columnist and mental health advocate, said while she has no regrets about the life she leads, she regularly faces a barrage of abuse online.
‘I’ve been called ‘diseased’… and a ‘wh*re’, among other degrading insults I won’t share. Almost all of it has come from men,’ she revealed in a column written for news.com.au.
Nadia Bokody started having casual sex for the first time in her life after she separated from her husband
Ms Bokody, a Sydney-based columnist and mental health advocate, said while she has no regrets about the life she leads, she regularly faces a barrage of abuse online
In addition to horrific comments made online, Ms Bokody said she is regularly told that she will ‘remain forever single’.
She described the remarks as ‘ironic’ given she has a boyfriend, and said she was particularly insulted by being called ‘diseased’ because it indicated that women who enjoyed casual sex did not practice safe sex or visit doctors to monitor their sexual health.
‘There is an unmistakable vitriol for women who have abandoned the shame they’ve been indoctrinated to feel around their sexuality since they were girls,’ she said in the column.
‘It makes men uneasy.’
The sex expert reflected on the education system and how girls are taught from a young age that ‘their bodies are dangerous to boys’.
She said from school dress codes which ‘mandate penalties for revealing female shoulders and knees’ to telling young women to keep their ‘sex number’ low to ensure they could find a partner, women were always encouraged to make a decision for the benefit of a man.
The sex expert reflected on the education system and how girls are taught from a young age that ‘their bodies are dangerous to boys’
It wasn’t until her own relationship ended that Bokody felt she could finally release her inhibitions and explore her own sexuality.
‘What began as sexual enlightenment quickly snowballed into personal liberation. I spoke up in meetings at work, asked for a pay rise (and got it) and began to own – rather than pathologically apologise for – the space I took up,’ she said.
But she said the ‘double-edged sword’ to her newfound confidence and sexuality was that, for the first time, she posed a threat to men.
‘A woman who knows what she wants and boldly demands it, is a woman who is unlikely to be easily controlled, nor to feed an endlessly unsteady ego,’ she said. ‘Sexually liberated women violate the status quo of gender norms because, in essence, they’re women who can’t be tamed.’
Bokody previously said she felt a deep regret for speaking so candidly about her experiences.
She said she ‘lied’ about being a sex addict after years of trying to break into the media industry as a journalist.
She said the ’15 minutes of fame’ was never worth spreading false information and lying about sex addiction, which she has since claimed is a fake medical condition.
Nadia Bokody, from Sydney, said she spent years trying to break into the media industry, but it wasn’t until she went public about her sexual rendezvous that people started to care about what she had to say
Ms Bokody said she went on The Morning Show with Larry Emdur and Kylie Gillies after meeting with a life coach who suggested she had a sex addiction.
She researched briefly and then decided he might be right, so she pitched a column about her experiences as a sex-obsessed divorcee to the media.
She said producers ‘could barely contain their elation’ and soon she was fronting national television, ‘lying’ about having an addiction to sex.
‘The lie spread like wildfire,’ she said. ‘But as the opportunities kept coming, so too, did the pressure to stick to my story.’
She said producers ‘could barely contain their elation’ and soon she was fronting national television, lying about a condition she may or may not have actually had
Ms Bokody said she eventually grew tired of being known only as a sex addict, and after a quick look at the DSM-5, which is the most up-to-date manual in the psychiatric industry, she learned sex addiction is not a recognised condition.
She said the discovery spurred on more research, and she eventually learned not one medical journal or respected authority recognised sex addiction.
Ms Bokody now believes the diagnosis is a money-making mechanism.
‘The addiction industry is worth an estimated $35 billion a year, with so-called sexual disorders raking in a significant portion of the kitty,’ she said.
‘In short, diseasing human sexuality is big business. Not to mention, well-rating entertainment.’
The writer and influencer wants to speak out against people who are quick to diagnose a ‘sex addiction’ or judge others about their sex life.
‘All I know to be true today, is this. I am not a sex addict. I no longer prescribe to the ideology of sex addiction, and I regret my role in contributing to it,’ she said.
The columnist wrote an opinion piece where she expressed a deep regret for speaking so candidly about her experiences
When discussing her addiction at the time, Ms Bokody said her need for sex impacted every aspect of her life.
‘It came to a point where it was really affecting my ability to go about my day… I was finding it very difficult to focus at work and at one point I left on my lunch break to have a casual encounter with someone I had just met online,’ she told The Morning Show in 2018.
‘Having that encounter was very lonely and very empty and I realised it wasn’t filling me at all.’
‘We are quite comfortable with thinking of addiction as something that’s tied to something quite tangible, like an illicit substance or alcohol, but we have a very hard time as a society accepting that people can be addicted to something less tangible, like love or sex,’ she explained.
‘But addiction is a cerebral process, it’s got very little to do with the substance of choice and so much more to do with chasing that high, that dopamine hit that we all get when we engage in something pleasurable.’
Ms Bokody said she went on The Morning Show with Larry Emdur and Kylie Gillies shortly after a life coach she had only just started working with said what she was describing sounded like a sex addiction